The moment your child enters the world, responsibilities mount. Some anticipated, others not yet known. With responsibility comes pressure. Pressures of providing, protecting, teaching, encouraging, mentoring. At all times.
Too often, we build these roles up in our heads to more than is truly required, continually questioning if we are enough. We set our own bar so high to either not become the father we had or to make sure we are at least as good or better.
We watch fatherhood “influencers” going way above and beyond, creating huge moments for the camera, but ultimately (and hopefully) to better bond with their children. We compare ourselves, wondering if we should be continually planning grand outings, elaborate surprises, or crafting picture-perfect childhoods for our kids.
But the truth is, fatherhood isn’t built in the big, showy moments. It’s found in the quiet ones.
The bedtime stories.
The drive to drop them off at school.
The early mornings when you’re the first two up, sitting and talking on the couch.
I've written articles about being Present and Intentional. How we should take that extra intentional step and be proactive in our relationships with our sons and daughters. While that is something I absolutely strive for, the reality is, some phases that are harder than others.
Some days, weeks, seasons simply feel like treading water. Swimming against a stronger current. Doing all you can to stay afloat. Kicking with all your will to keep the waterline at your neck.
Maybe work is more demanding than usual.
Seepless newborn nights stealing the energy you once had.
Pressures of finances, family expectations, or personal struggles weighing heavy on your mind.
If that's the phase you're in today, I’m writing this to tell you: keep kicking.
Your head above water, just getting by, is more than enough.
Your child doesn’t need perfection. They don’t need a super-dad who never struggles.
They need you.
The dad who keeps showing up, even when he’s tired.
The dad who asks about their day, even when his mind is elsewhere.
The dad who apologizes when he falls short, but never stops trying.
Some days, it will feel like I’m failing my kids because I can’t give them more. More time, more attention, more energy.
But my kids don’t see that failure. What they see is presence. They see their dad coming home every night and trying.
Your kids won’t remember every toy you bought them, every big trip you planned, or every time you got everything exactly right. But they will remember that you were there. That you listened. That you cared.
So if all you can do today is keep your head above water, do it brother.
Keep kicking. Keep showing up. You are enough, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
And I promise, one day, the current will ease. The waves will settle. And you’ll look back and realize that every exhausted step, weary breath, or moment you thought you were barely getting by was still moving forward, building something strong.
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As with most articles written here, I write this for myself. My family and I have had some large life changes over the past year (hence the slow down of article releases). Some days, weeks, months recently have flown by. Lifting our heads above the current to realize we are miles downshore. But I feel it settling now. Hopefully making our way back to the beach soon to breathe. All the while, showing up everyday.
Be Present. Be Intentional.
- Chad Vrla
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